We all know our lives will change when we become parents. However, I truly believe that you cannot comprehend the extent to which it will change until you actually bring that little bundle of squirming joy home. Here is my personal list of changes. These may or may not apply for everyone, but from my friends with kids they each have experienced these to one extent or another.

TV shows and movies

I vowed that my child would never watch Barney, and yet she loves him. One fateful day my dear husband recorded Barney and the rest as they say is history. Now that overstuffed purple dinosaur ranks right up there with Elmo and Curious George for her.

Granted I can watch my television programs once she goes to bed, but long gone are the days of a four hour Stargate marathon, or catching up on the last three episodes of Smallville in one sitting. The vast majority of the TV that is watched in our house has some sort of cartoon or puppet character. The same goes for movies. Thank goodness I was already a fan of Disney movies or I might have become mad as a hatter by now.

Vocabulary

I have begun to use words that I’m sure aren’t in the dictionary and begun using other words that I stopped saying 30+ years ago. And still other words have been removed completely or replaced. No longer do we use the toilet, it is now a potty. And there is no going to bed at night or for a nap without a pac (pronounced pass, short for pacifier). And of course since I want to be a “good” parent all four letter curse words (not that I used that many to begin with) have been replaced with gobbledygook words such as flibbertigibbet, fudge-bucket, or balderdash. And then of course there are the traditional owwie, boo-boo, and bonk. And I’m pretty sure that I have used the word “princess” more times in the last two years than I did in all my life prior to my daughter being born.

Of note: my spellchecker actually recognized flibbertigibbet and balderdash, so apparently they aren’t made up words after all.

Sleeping

We have all heard the stories about new mothers and lack of sleep, and the golden day your child first sleeps through the night. Well, I’m here to tell you the changes in sleep routine continue long past that first night. My daughter is somehow incapable of sleeping past 7am. It doesn’t matter if it is Thursday or Sunday. Nor does it matter if I was called out of bed three times during the middle of the night to get her a drink of water, or find her special bunny doll.

When it is time to go to bed I am now required to lay down with my Sugar Muffin for “one minute” while she drifts off. Of course this one minute is actually expected to be more like 10-15. And there have been nights when it turned into 25-30 because I too fell asleep… at 8:30.

Spontaneity

I remember the days when my husband and I could decide we wanted to see a movie and actually go see that movie the same day. No more. Now we need to plan at least a week in advance so that we might find a sitter for my Sweetheart. Quick trips to get ice cream together are now a well thought out excursion complete with bib and wipes. Going out to eat requires more thought than just deciding what we are in the mood for, it requires packing of the diaper bag, figuring out what my daughter will eat and bringing games and/or toys to entertain her after she has decided she doesn’t want to eat anymore.

Alone time in the bathroom is a thing of the past

My beautiful daughter loves me very much. A fact I am ever grateful and in awe of every moment of the day. This adoration means she wants to be with me every moment possible. She follows me everywhere, even to the bathroom. At first I thought it would be a good teaching tool, so that one day she too would learn to “go” on the potty. But she has shown little interest in what I am actually doing. She just wants to talk to me, sing to me, or show me how she can stand on one foot. All of which are absolutely adorable… the first 25 times.

It’s all worth it…

… most of the time. There are moments when I wish I could shirk all my responsibilities of being a mother and have five more minutes to sleep in. But then my little one leans over and says, “Mommy I know what will make you smile” and then she kisses me on the cheek and says, “I love you.” At that moment my heart swells with happiness and all previous notions of escapism have vanished.

Then I began thinking about a conversation I had earlier that day with my new boss. She and I had agreed that we liked to jump in and tackle an assignment and get it done sooner rather than later. I realized that I had not always been like that. I used to thrive under the pressure of a deadline (still do), but now I prefer to just get the work done and out of the way. What changed? I believe it was becoming a mother that changed me.

Now I realize the power of NOW. I must jump at opportunities when they present themselves. If my daughter wants to get dressed I had better go do it right that second because she may not want to in 5 or even 2 minutes and then I’d have a fight on my hands. And don’t even get me started on potty training and jumping up at a moment’s notice. I also no longer complain about tasks that are unappealing, but instead I realize they must be done and just do them, again, right away so as to get them out of the way.

I have developed a much greater sense of patience too. Putting my daughter to bed can take a very long time some nights. My will power and self restraint has improved greatly too. Watching my daughter feed herself and not take the spoon away because I could do it better and much faster takes Titan like will power and self control.

And without even knowing it, because they have become second nature, I am using these skills in all aspects of my life. Am I a better employee now than I was 3 or 4 years ago?

Assuredly, Yes.

Is it due to additional years of experience or because I am a mother now? I’m not completely sure. But I do know that even if it is due to work experience, motherhood has sped the learning curve.

Don’t we all feel just a little better when we realize we are not alone in thinking this or that, feeling something, or in our odd little habits we think no one else does? We are the same as many other people in many different ways. But when it comes to putting ourselves into groups why do we always insist we are unique from others? We aren’t. We are all alike in one way or another. It’s like we say, “Sure there are other working mothers (or insert your own group), but I’m different than ALL of them because…” and finish the sentence with some pitiful excuse as to why you are unique. But chances are there are at least a dozen (probably a couple hundred dozen) women who feel the exact same way you do and would finish the sentence the same exact way.

And that is exactly what allows marketers the ability to advertise to the general public. Because we are general, in one way or another. If we were as unique as we think we are, sometimes marketing wouldn’t work. Each message would have to be tailored to one person. But advertising and marketing do work because we are all motivated by very similar things, and react in very similar ways.

So the next time you think “No one could possibly know how I feel,” think again. Or “I’ll bet I’m the only person on the planet who washes my socks like this,” wrong! Chances are there are hundreds, if not thousands who are just like you. And thanks to the internet we can all find each other through odd little websites and forums.

Normally this would be a good thing. But since as previously mentioned I do like my job, I am inclined to stay at work longer. It goes like this, “5 o’clock already? Well, just one more thing and then I’ll go home.” And one more thing turns into 3 and then its 5:30, the time I’m supposed to be home.
It comes back to the whole work/home balance and where one’s priorities are.

For me, my priorities are whatever I happen to be doing at the moment. While I’m at work I want to be and stay at work, but when I go home, all I want to do is be with my daughter and be a good mom. Am I a bad parent for enjoying my work? I provide a great lifestyle for my family by working, but I’m positive my daughter wouldn’t know the difference if we lived in a smaller house or she wore second-hand clothes. I feel like a good mother by giving her these things. And if I get a sense of fulfillment from it too then it’s a double bonus.

So I have decided to eat lunch at 11:45 instead. This started because once I skimped on dinner the night before and only had carbs for breakfast so I was feeling the headache and lightheadedness that tell me it’s time to eat really early. I caved and ate lunch around 11:40. It made it seem like I had oodles of time in the afternoon and I was ready to go home right around 5. It’s all head games anyway right?

But mostly I am focusing on remembering what I do have, not what I don’t.  I have an amazing daughter who grows smarter everyday, a beautiful home, a loving husband, parents close by, fuzzy cats, plenty of food to eat, and a soft bed to sleep in. And more and more I am thankful that I have had this time off to be with my daughter, play with her, and watch her grow. I am happy that I have learned more about myself and am better prepared to interview for my dream job.

In my opinion it is important to find the positive side of a situation if possible. It will cause less stress and make you happier. And enjoying life is a great goal, don’t you think? What makes you happy?

 After all, having a positive attitude goes a long way, right?

Things are beginning to look up. I’ve had several good “bites” and eventually one of them will have to turn into something. The key is to find something I’m good at, and I will enjoy. I’ve had jobs I enjoyed but they were not a good fit, and I’ve had jobs that were good fits but I did not enjoy. So how do I ensure I get both in my next job?

I believe the key is through self-discovery. I have been doing a series exercises to learn more about myself and what is important to me. I can’t say I’ve learned anything that I didn’t know before, but I was able to frame my self-knowledge in a new way, look at my traits and skills through a new window.

This entailed narrowing down what my top interest are, which, when forced to choose, came as a surprise. Plus, actually writing down my ideal working conditions and types of people I enjoy working with. I think the most challenging part was narrowing down my values to the top three. If you want to do these exercises pick up a copy of What Color is Your Parachute by Dick Bolles.  The 2010 edition is particularly useful.

And on a completely different front, I know that given an entire year, I’m pretty sure I can get my daughter potty trained. So those are my two goals, find a job and get my daughter out of pull ups.

It is almost a cliché how people say that you never know how a child will impact your life until you have one. And I’ve heard it so many times that people will say “I knew my life would change just like people say, but I never knew how much!” Okay so here is my contribution to that cliché. I kept thinking that once my child reached this or that milestone it would get easier. But then I began to realize that each of those milestones were precious moments in her life that I would never get back, things I was missing out on. And instead of getting easier, it began to get harder, and the guilt got worse instead of better.

In addition to being a guilt-ridden mom, I’m also a Marketing professional. My first love was marketing (now my first love is my daughter). I have been in Marketing for over 10 years, mostly on the small business side. Now that I am a mom I find it fascinating to see how many companies market to moms. We truly are a unique target market. I’m a mom, but I’m also a Marketer. It’s like seeing something from both sides of the looking glass.

I started my first account on Twitter in December of 2008 and found this huge group of moms just like me! They were blogging and discussing their issues and being successful. It was so wonderful to begin interacting with these wonderful women. I discovered that I too could have a chance to express myself, my experiences, and my observations. And maybe I could offer insight or help to other moms like these women have provided to me.

MarketingMommy.com is a blog on my views about being a mom, a consumer of mom-type things, and being a Marketer trying to reach moms (and other target markets).  I hope you enjoy reading.